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| I need an escape. Somewhere that I can just pour out my emotions, I don't need any advice in return or help, I just need someone to listen and that is what you do best.. you listen and you don't criticize and that is exactly what I need right now. So recently, I met a guy. His name is Robert, we actually met on an app for the iPhone. Weird huh? I wasn't even really on there to meet someone, I just wanted to talk to people and honestly, I was feeling so down in the dumps and depressed that I just wanted some company in a way that I don't find from friends and family. Someone who I could talk to and they wouldn't judge me because they didn't even really know who I was. Then one day, Robert starts talking to me. We would exchange a few messages and then he wouldn't respond for about a week. This went on for about 3 weeks when finally, we were talking one morning and he asked for my number. I was very surprised that I gave it to him because I've only done it twice on there. Once out of stupidity and I was feeling spontaneous and the other time, I was really into one of the guys and wanted to talk more off of the app. So, I gave Robby my number and he started texting me and it was really good. A quick bio on him: He's 22 years old, originally from Seattle, WA. He's in the Navy and is currently stationed here in CT. He'll only be here for a year then he'll be stationed elsewhere. He's so much taller than me with blonde hair and blue eyes and I love it. So yeah, we kept texting and he was suppose to come visit me one weekend but things didn't work out so well because of too many circumstances i.e he had a 12 curfew on Fridays and Saturdays and it's 10 the rest of the week so it would have just been too complicated. So finally, I told him I would drive out and go see him. So it was a beautiful Wednesday (April 21st 2010). I went to class then stayed in Waterbury until about 3:30 when he called and told me he was out of class. I drove out there, it was about an hour away from Waterbury and we met up and it was AMAZING. The minute we started talking things were good and he was a sweetheart the entire time. He was such a gentleman. He opened every door for me, paid for everything and was just so amazingly sweet. We had gone to a park and just walked around then went to go see a movie. In there, he kept giving me adoring little kisses on my head and hand and it was just so sweet.. We got along great with one another and conversation was easy. I wasn't nervous at all, surprisingly. If anything, I felt so comfortable with him like I had known him for a while even though it was only our FIRST time meeting after meeting one another online. So after that, things were even better. We talked on the phone practically every night, I mean it would only be like 30 minutes long but it was still always nice just to hear his voice. And on April 30th 2010, he drove out here to come see me =) We spent the whole day together. I met up with him at the mall and it was great because just as I was going to find him he was walking out of Macy's heading straight toward me and I couldn't help but think, "omg, I'm crazy for this guy"..so after that, he met Marcella, then we went mini golfing which was fun because it was my first time and he only won by 3 points. We got starbucks then had dinner and saw a movie and it was just great. It was like a real date and I've never truly been on a real date. I loved every minute of it and he was so amazing. He was always giving me little kisses on my cheek or neck and asking for kisses the whole time too. He has beyond exceeded my standards for a guy. If this doesn't work out, no other guy will ever measure up to him. But now, here's the problem. He was suppose to come here yesterday and we were going to double date with Sandara and Ryan however I didn't hear from him all day until around 10:30 at night. He texted me and told me his grandpa wasn't doing well and he was in Maine and that he was sorry and how could I be mad anymore? But now I feel horrible and it's killing me because I have to be stuck here at work when I wish that I could just be with him and help him because I can't even imagine the pain that he's going through. I don't know what to do to help and I feel like he's going to push me away and not want to talk to me anymore..I would do anything for him right about now. If he wants me to, I will drive out there tonight at 10 to see him, even if it's only for 2 seconds, I'll do whatever I can to at least try and help ease the pain. I texted him once last night and this morning letting him know that I'm here for him and to call or text me whenever he's ready and that I miss him and I wish I could be there with him but he hasn't said anything.. I understand he's hurting and he needs his space I just really hope he knows that I'm here and I'm not going anywhere and I really REALLY hope he doesn't push me away.. I've never been in a situation like that and I'm no good with comforting or saying the right words.. I just want to be there and hug him and tell him that everything's going to be fine. I want to take away his pain because he too much an amazing guy to have to deal with pain like this. He doesn't deserve it, his family doesn't and neither does his grandfather. I know that I'm not his girlfriend and that we're only dating but I care so much about him and it's crazy because it's only been a month that we've been talking. I want to be with him, I do, and I really hope that this doesn't change anything or make him realize that he doesn't want to be with me.. I'm falling so hard and fast and sometimes I catch myself wanting to say "I love him" even though I know I don't..I can't, it's too soon to be in love or to just love at all. But I do care greatly for him and I don't want to lose him..He's everything and more that I've ever wanted in a guy..I just pray that everything works out and that his grandfather gets better..It's already hard enough with him being in the Navy and the fact that we're about 2 hours away. This won't make things any better/easier.. and I only want the best for Robby, he means so much to me and it's crazy how little time it took..he had me at hey. *please let everything get better* <3 | | |
| hey . haven't wrote in a while, just been side tracked with a lot i guess . but its officially over between me & jayr. done with & i think im okay. i mean i gotta be okay, it's BEEN done with since october . i started dating a new kid name richard but that didn't work out well so we're through now too . i think it's just best for me to be single & focus on school. i have this fantasy image of my "perfect" guy & i've got high standards lol. but i'm learning to NOT settle for less, cause i deserve the best for myself . i'm worth it. so im just gonna do me .. & if someone comes along, i won't deny him, but i won't accept him right away either. he's gonna have to work to actually gain my trust & then he's gonna have to work harder to keep it . so we'll see what happens . right now, i'm at work, got four hous lefttt . but a little update; i got my licenseeeeeeeee :) a while ago actually, i go to uconn now, & i got my '09 mazda6 that i wanted :) pwuahahha* im lovin' my life right now . i've also read all the twilight saga books, i've watched the movie like 6 or 7 times cause i love it so much & i'm anticipating it's dvd release on march 21st '09 . i can't wait till new moon comes out in theaters also, that'll be nov. 20th .. a while from now, but it's okay, i'm absolutely IN LOVE with edward cullen =) he's insanely gorgeous, and such a gentleman & i just love the idea of him and it keeps me dreaming of finding my edward cullen . lol but i guess i'll go do a little more online then just read till i get out sooo ill try to keep blogging as recent as much so i can read back months later & laugh at myself :) until then . g'byes <3 | | |
| huy.... idk, i have so many thoughts just running through my head right now. i can't sort them out or explain them. it's so confusing & difficult. i don't know why i do this but i constantly think back to his ex-gfs & shit cause it's like .. idk . see ! i can't even explain what im thinking and feeling ..  huy... so i went on kim's account on myspace & was looking at lindas page & she put this part in her information that was like ' there was this guy who will always have a place in my heart, he once meant the world to me' .. it was something like that & i read it and it's hard being with someone when you know that someone else truly loves them . it makes things so much harder . like when i look at him i smile & i get happy but i also think about the past relationships that he's been in & it's like when i hear him say things to me that are cute & sweet i smile, but at the same time, in the back of my head i can't help but wonder how many times he's said that to the other girls that he's been with .. you know ? it's difficult, cause we come from different worlds. im the type of girl who is rarely in relationships . i hardly ever date just cause i can never find a nice guy who'll treat me good . so when i do fall into a relationship it's hard . im a good girlfriend, but it's hard to adjust to cause im new to the game whereas he's BEEN playing it . huy.. like i keep telling myself, one foot in & one foot out . not 100% in it yet . & it's gonna take a while. im just the type of guy who needs reassurance often. esp. after our past .. blahh........ i have so much more to say but typing with this keyboard is so difficult cause the space bar only works on the left side & i just had to be a righty so im so used to tapping it w/ my right thumb.. it's making me type slower. lol . but yeah, we had a party last night at elaines & it was suppose to be a little party thing for my birthday but it got all fucked up & shit cause sandara & ryan had to break up earlier and blah blah blahhhh . so stupid & then he had to get fucken pissed faced drunk . wow .... great birthday weekend AND to top it off, i had to come in to work cause ryan drank so much that he was throwing up at work . just great huh . hah ... whatever man, i say ........... FUCK IT ! | | |
| it's currently 1:57 A.M .. it's friday, july 11th . tmr's my party :] today's gonna be a busy day .. i gotta get up, cash my check .. get my eyebrows done then go do my nails & THENNN go find an outfit to wear on saturday . then buy soda & print out all the pictures i wanna print out from my camera so i can delete it & start fresh for saturday :] ..damn it's gonna be a good day. damn .. this boy makes me crazy, i've never felt so happy in my entire life . i don't understand it .. like always when i think of him i just smile .. we're so perfect together . he forever makes me happy & he doesn't even have to try ! lol .. im falling head over heals in love with this boy & it's scary . i've never felt this way before about a guy & it's just so different . i rarely ever date guys & have boyfriends .. it's all new to me . but he treats me so good . i wanna sit here & pour out my emotions but i don't even know where to start . i can't even explain it . likee, my sister asked what i see in him & i just don't even know where to start .. i mean his personality is amazing . he's always happy & smiling [most of the time anyways] & he's always having a good time . i can just look at him & smile . idk why, but damn .. he makes me go crazy . like honestly, where do i start to explain how happy i am ? it's so funny how we can talk online & when he says things, i can just hear him saying it out loud cause i been around him so much . i can just picture his facial expression when he's saying something & it makes me laugh .. lol (= wow .. he's absolutely amazing, i don't know what it is but he does something to me . he's always had that ability since we first met & maybe it's a sign .. likee, shit happens so you learn from it & maybe it wasn't meant to be then because maybe fate knew that he wanted to mess around .. but he's grown up a bit more & maybe he's ready for something a bit more serious this time around . idk, im scared to get hurt again but i feel like i have to put all of me out there cause i'll never know if i don't . i can't live my life scared to get hurt cause i'll never be in a relationship then . i mean, things happen .. but as for right now, i know what i want & i wanna be with him, im falling in love with him & im going to let myself fall . even if i fall hard, it don't matter . im happy .. the happiest i've ever been.. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh he makes me crazy (= i <3 jayr !!! lol . kk i go now . byes♥ | | |
| omggggg. back at work again . i got like 8 hours of sleep but im STILL tired ! .. i feel like im gonna fall asleep here >.< my eyes are getting so heavy .. damn, this is BAAAD . but anyways, ystd. i went home after work then went to allisons & babe was just down the street from her house cause his friend was having a house warming party . so yeah.. he walked over to see me & we chilled for most of the time . it was nice :] .. i didn't have to worry about the time & we weren't at my job so i could kiss him all i wanted to .. but gaaaaah, i just wish i could see him easier. alskdfalksdjfkjs idk. at one point, we were standing there & i just looked at him and i just felt this urge to say ily but idkkkkkkk. alksdjfjksdkf idk what im doing, i just wanna sleeeeeeep !!!!  eh. bye♥ | | |
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